How People-Pleasing Shows Up for Women in High-Pressure Careers
You’re the dependable one. You’re the first to jump when others need help or a shift covered. The one whom others know they can rely on if they are in a pinch and need help on a case. You show up early for work and leave late, and are praised for being so “dedicated.”
But is it dedication or is it people-pleasing in disguise? People-pleasing goes beyond “just being nice” and stems from a deep desire to be liked, avoid conflict, or seek validation from others. It can be easy to identify people-pleasing behaviors in our relationships, but at work, it can be difficult, given that the same behaviors that stem from people-pleasing are also the same behaviors that are reinforced and praised as dependability.
If you struggle with people-pleasing tendencies, this blog covers how people pleasing shows up at work, what it’s really costing you, and what to do about it.
People-Pleasing in High-Achieving Women
Submitting projects before their intended deadline. Arriving early and staying late. Working through your lunch break and answering emails after hours. Is it dedication and a strong work ethic, or is it people-pleasing in disguise?
All these behaviors got you to where you are now, and it is one of many reasons you are so successful. If you are like my anxious, high-achieving clients, doing a good job in your career isn’t enough. You want recognition and validation. So, what is the problem?
People-pleasing tendencies or behaviors are driven by fear. The fear of disappointing others, being seen as “difficult”, or the fear of not being “good enough.” My high-achieving clients who work in high-stakes fields like law, medicine, tech, and academia, experience some degree of anxiety and their performance. They feel they have to work twice as hard as their male counterparts for recognition and due to the nature of their careers in high-pressure fields, making a mistake could be costly, so the pressure to overdeliver and be perfect is constant.
Signs of People-Pleasing in High-Achieving Women
As mentioned previously, it can be hard to know if your behaviors are people-pleasing or a strong work ethic that gets reinforced by hustle culture. Below are a few ways that people-pleasing shows up in high-achieving women.
Saying yes when you want to say no (taking on extra work, even when overwhelmed and overcommitted)
Over-apologizing or cushioning your opinions in meetings
Avoiding necessary conflict (e.g., not speaking up about unrealistic expectations)
Constantly seeking reassurance or over-explaining your decisions
Letting emails, Slack messages, or others' moods dictate your peace of mind
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries or logging off on time
People-Pleasing is Costing You… Yourself
So what is people-pleasing really costing you if it is striving for recognition and validation? The short answer—you’re most likely abandoning yourself. You know what I’m talking about—the quiet shrinking or not speaking up out of fear of causing conflict. Burnout from constantly overextending yourself by arriving early, staying late, and taking extra shifts. Resentments and frustration when others get recognition or validation and put in half the amount of effort you do. Harsh truth - while people-pleasing may have a positive intent, it’s most likely hurting you in the process.
People-Pleasing is More About You and Less About Your Career
As an anxiety therapist in Austin, TX, I love working with anxious, high-achieving clients who identify with people-pleasing. I love seeing them have the “light bulb” moment when they put the pieces together of where they learned to engage in people-pleasing, how it has helped them in the past, and how they no longer need it. More often than not, people-pleasing is often rooted in childhood, past trauma, or previous toxic work experiences. It’s not a personality flaw in you; it’s a protective part of you that is likely trying to keep you safe. But when it is unchecked, people-pleasing can reinforce anxiety, imposter syndrome, and perfectionism—ultimately leaving you in a constant fight for external validation.
Anxiety Therapy in Austin, Texas can Help
Self-help books, podcasts, and coaches can only take you so far. And yes, boundaries are incredibly important. But if you don’t get to the root of why you engage in people-pleasing, you’re likely not going to see long lasting changes. By working with an anxiety therapist and a specialist like me, you can notice when and why the urge to please shows up, learn to set boundaries without guilt and survive the discomfort. You can also build internal self-trust and validation so you are not solely relying on pleasing your boss who seems to never be satisfied or give you the acknowledgment and validation you want. Anxiety therapy in Austin is a great place to practice communicating clearly, directly, and compassionately so you can assert yourself instead of abandoning yourself. Also, by working with a specialist like me, you get to work with someone who deeply understands women in high-pressure careers.
Final Thoughts
If you identified with any part of this blog, please know that you are not alone. With the right amount of support and gentle challenge, you can learn how to stop abandoning yourself and your needs and set boundaries without all the guilt. You don’t have to hustle for worthiness. You are already enough. Just as you are. If you are in Texas and want to thrive in your professional and personal life without neglecting your needs, I’d love to hear from you.
Ditch People-Pleasing with Therapy for Anxiety in Austin and throughout the state of TX!
By working with an anxiety therapist in Austin, Texas who specializes in high-achieving women in high-pressure careers, you can learn to recognize when people pleasing is showing up, get to the root of why you engage in people-pleasing, and learn to thrive without the guilt, fear, and burnout that has always been there.
Ready to make a change?
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Other Services Offered by Dr. Molly Moore of Moore Psychotherapy
Are you a high-achieving woman who struggles with anxiety, impostor syndrome, and burnout? I’m Dr. Molly Moore, a licensed psychologist in Austin, TX who specializes in working with high-achieving women just like you. In addition to helping clients ditch anxiety with Therapy for Anxiety, I also help women overcome self-doubt and feeling like a fraud with Therapy for Imposter Syndrome. Therapy for Burnout is for women who are exhausted—emotionally and physically—to find relief and be productive without sacrificing their needs. In my practice, I provide Online Therapy in Texas. To learn more about me and the work I do, check out my About Me page and my blog.